Friday, July 11, 2014

Bad Joke

World's Longest Bad Joke Even If it is Not Funny it May Still Be a Joke? Lex Loeb Contributor Network . Television comedian hosts suddenly start disappearing in Hollywood. The reason is they are being kidnapped by mobsters whose God Father has terminally stopped laughing. They desperpately need the old man to start laughing again or the mob empire is going to blow apart in a mob war that threatens everyone in several families. One after another gets the black velvet bag over the head and is wisked away in a black limosine to a sound stage in a derelict Las Vegas Casino. Television fans start to miss their favorite late night commedians because none of them succeed at making the old man laugh. The jokes may be funny but no one dares laugh if the old man does not laugh first or they get it just like the comedian gets it. No one in the mob has any sense of humor. They have to find someone , some comedian, who can entertain the God Father and already Ted Koppel has made a comeback on television with Night Line re-runs show to replace the missing comedians. Hollywood is terrified. The Mob is scared. Nothing is funny. Not to name names, The Mob is down to it's last comedian left to kidnap and worthy of Vegas. It better be good they explain to their captive funny man as they load him in the limosine. Faced with near certain death the comedian has to think up a joke that will get the God Father laughing enough to save his skin. He decides he is going to tell the world's longest joke ever because the mobsters tell him in advance that quick punch lines are not making the old man laugh. One of the comedians that already got wacked did indeed make the old man laugh but only a day later when he finally got the joke. By then the God Father was not sure it was a laugh or a caugh. That comedian was already in the trunk. "Be slow and easy", they told him, "let the old man process the joke and know that that is why he is laughing, Then we can all laugh and you can go home in one piece". The comedian realizes that the black bag over his head is a thinking cap and goes to work thinking. He has one chance to tell one long joke and get the old man to laugh. Just one long chance which is better than a quick short chance. He asks the mobsters, does the old man ever laugh at jokes on TV? "No. That is why you are the last comedian we decided to nab. We brought the best most promising first and you're all that's left." An old joke goes like this: How many times does it take an Enlishman to laugh at a joke? Three times. Once to pretend he got the joke along with the rest of the group laughing and then he laughs a second time to appear to apreciate the joke inviting yet another he might have to fake laughing at. A day later he finally get the joke and starts to chuckle under his breath. The joke goes though all the various nationalities, genders and religions until nothing is funny because everyone already heard the same old bad joke before. That could be his game plan but a mobster with no sense of humor probably won't find it very funny. What do old mobsters think is funny? The limosine rolls into Vegas streight into the back stage area. The lights are on stage and the commedian asks that the black bag not be taken off of his head for the proformance. Several mob goons lead him up on the stage. The comedian starts pacing back and forth. "Welcome to my show tonight. I am here because I have been kidnapped at gun point to tell a joke that will save my life. I am going to do my best. He can't see a damned thing with the bag over his head and keeps walking up to the edge of the stage where he knows he might fall off into an orchestra pit and then backs up from the verge of disaster. This he does repeatedly because he knows the stage he is playing and can feel the stage lights to access his distance. The mobsters love it as he nearly goes over the edge over and over and over again. "You see, there was this mob war. Bennie shot Sam and Sam shot Dale, Dale shot Harvey and they was all dead except for Bennie. You guys are going to shoot me because this ain't funny." No it ain't cries the audience. "It ain't funny we ain't laughing." then he almost walks over the edge then backs away just in time. The mobsters love it and even the old man likes it but he is not laughing. The comedian can't see the audience but he know he has got to go over the edge or he ain't gonna get the old man to laugh which is what he tells the audience. "In the world of comedy if you don't go over the edge no one's going to laugh." Again as he says this he paces up to the state prcipice over the open ungurarded orchestra pit nearly puts a foot over and backs away. The audience is spell bound. This is their thing. They want to laugh so hard they will spill their guts but they can't. The comedian can feel it with his 9th sense and the bag over his head. The whole place wants to break down falling into the aisles laughing but the old man is still sitting there shaking his head profoundly disappointed. The comedian repeats this over and over nearly going over the edge over and over and over again. "not funny eh?" The comedian then starts pacing back toward the edge, "hey whats not funny? shoot me." The old man gets up out of his chair pulls out his hand gun and starts laughing , "Hey funny man with that bag over your head. Either you go over the edge this time or I am going to shoot you." Thats why there is still one late night television comedian left on television. He got shot in the arm for not going over the edge, survived to go back on television again. . Close

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