Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Everything You Need To Know About Invisible Pets.
The Importance of Having Invisible Pets Lex Loeb Contributor Network . People are always surprised that I have invisible pets. I got mine from a crazy guy on guy on West Burnside Street near Saturday Market. This guy walks up to me and offers me an invisible dog. "What dog?" I said. There was no dog there. He said the dog's name was Lassie and that like it or not she was going home with me. That is how I got Lassie. Lassie has been living with me for the past 12 years ever since she went home with me. Later I met the same guy and he offered me an invisible parrot, "Molly " who happens to be over 250 years old and once belonged to one of the bearded pirates. The bird never shuts up and only speaks Spanish. I gave the bird to a deaf friend who now enjoys him. He could be blind too since he has never seen Molly. No one has seen Molly she is an invisible pet. Later I go an invisible miniature dog that goes by the name of Chalupa and Gus the invisible cat. Great pets, I never have to feed them. I have given Lassie away several times and Lassie keeps coming back. I get in the car and drive away at 65 miles per hour and she follows me home on the freeway. Everyone is surprised that she can keep up with the car. Chalupa escapes onto the INTERNET and causes trouble. She was a male dog till she got stuck in a computer crash where upon He became a she in an invisible dog sex change. Poor Chalupa. If you ever get an email from Chalupa beware it could be an invisible dog that causes INTERNET trouble. It is perfectly legal to bring your invisible pets to restaurants and anywhere else. Public swimming pools are nice places to bring an invisible pet and so are super markets because you can put your pet in the cart and wheel them about. When you are out with boring company it is great to bring your invisible pet. No leash is required even if they are non-trainable pets. Gus the invisible cat is not trainable. A very unstable cat he likes to ride on top of cars. I have watched that cat jump in and out of the television set just to cause a commotion. I Gus to restaurants and ask the waitress to bring a high chair for him. She asks me if its for a baby and I tell her no that it is for Gus. She looks at me like I am crazy just because she cannot see what is invisible. Poor girl. Every time I go to that restaurant she brings me the high chair even when Gus is not present. Lassie prefers an ordinary chair. i am petting the animals in their chairs and people give me the strangest looks until i explain that there are invisible pets present. Then they understand and they too start talking to my pets and petting them. It does seem to attract a bit too much attention. Once invisible pets find public acceptance everyone wants one. Most people would not envy you if you had an invisible Mercedes Benz but they do if they find out that you have an invisible pet. The only place I know to get one is that crazy guy on West Burnside. I am not naming names because when he decides to get rid of his invisible pet elephant I want to be the first in line to have it. Do you know what you can do with an invisible elephant? They can be bigger than a skyscraper or small enough to fit in your pocket simultaneously. The crazy guy rides his invisible elephant down the street and is proud that his elephant is completely in the nude as it can not be seen. That is the sort of pet I have always wanted. When I get my invisible pet elephant I can go riding down the street at an elephant 's gallop and I will have no trouble running for president as a republican. Don't you wish you had an invisible elephant house pet? The apartment manager forbids pets of any kind but she has to see the pet first before it is disallowed. I know she suspects pets but that is her problem . Since she cant see an invisible pet I make sure she hears me talking to my pets. She comes storming into my apartment looking for Lassie thinking I let the dog out the back door when ever she comes in. One day she opened the stove, looked under the bed, looked in the dryer and the washing machine, the refrigerator, out the window, in the closet and found no dog . I gave her renter's permission to do her search. She leaves the apartment annoyed and I tell lassie Good Girl she is gone so the landlady hears me. I pay too much rent to get kicked out easily. Imagine how much more fun an invisible house pet elephant would be? I love having an invisible cat like Gus He never gets stuck in trees because he walks on walls and ceilings. There is no better cat to have than an invisible cat. When you have invisible pets , people at first think you are totally crazy then they figure out all the advantages and they get envious. The guy on Burnside Street told me that you don't have to be crazy to have invisible pets but a lot of people would be willing to go crazy to have one. If you promise you won't ask for the elephant I will introduce you to Sam, the Crazy guy with the invisible pets or if you want you can have Lassie until she comes back to me. Q&A: Are Invisible Pets Legal? No Not in Oregon and especially not in Multnomah County . You would be stupid to apply for a pet license for your invisible pets. Let Animal Control Authorities prove you own an invisible pet before paying for pet tags. Can You take your pets to restaurants? Yes usually no one will stop you. Invisible pets get better fed at all you can eat buffets. Are other pets compatible with invisible ones. Yes but other pets can become insanely envious. When to take an invisible pet to the vet? Never unless your veterinarian advertises that invisible pets are welcome. I take mine to the chiropractor instead. Can invisible pets fly? Yes and don't bother putting them though the horrors of traveling in the baggage hold. Do not pay for an airline seat either. Most invisible pets fit on the lap of whom ever is sitting next to you on the plane. It is not a good idea to pet your invisible pet when they are sitting in a stranger's lap. What do you feed your invisible pet and do they need water? Never and No. Invisible pets take care of themselves. Do you need to train an invisible pet? No They are completely not trainable but they really do like to go along with you to school if you go to school. What if your invisible pet runs away? Let it. It will come back sooner or later. Do extinct animals make good invisible pets? Yes you can possibly get a dodo bird or a dinosaur unless you are believe in creationism in which case you should stick to God's pets which are pets that Noah saved. .