Monday, July 7, 2014
If Elections Were Held Today Would You Vote for Barack Obama or for George Washington?
If Elections Were Held Today Would You Vote for Barack Obama or for George Washington? Thanks to the NASA Time Distortion Lab Time Machine You Now Actually Have the Choice! Lex Loeb Contributor Network . George Washington is back! Intercepted in time just before his first presidential inauguration he has been brought back to the present time by NASA time machine scientists. After a period of ten weeks of re-acclamation to present day circumstances to help him get over issues like culture shock George has decided that he is going to run for president as a conservative candidate against liberal democrat incumbent president Barack Obama. George says it was a "no brainer" Although impressed by Obama as a public speaker and "a Kenyan" and having reviewed American History up until the present day immediately found the man to be completely unacceptable as a two term president. He reviewed the other candidates including Hillary Clinton whom he says reminds him of one of the Salem Witches he encountered on a recent trip to the common wealth of Massachusetts. He rather likes Sarah Palin but things she should take up knitting or quilt making 'because she is such a cleaver women" Mitt Romney stomped him because he does not look like a Rhino and George can't figure out what Mormonism is all about. Joe Biden George says reminds him of a loud mouth caller, "all voice and no other substance". George settled on having Ron Paul as his vice presidential running mate saying that Paul is the only candidate who seems to understand what the Constitution says and that free people are supposed to be able to make their own choices. It took George three weeks to figure out what a communism is all about and nothing makes him more angry than anything to do with communism. George immediately fell in love with the automobile and has driven though all fifty states of which he enjoyed Washington State most. The US department of Interior park police and secret service almost arrested George during his visit to The Washington Monument in Washington DC because they thought he was putting on an act there to beg for money from the tourists. George loves the Washington Monument but thinks it should have been built a lot taller. When he started carving his name in the stone at the base of the Monument he was arrested and in those circumstances George quite quickly realized that the American legal system had evolved into the root of all evil. George was put on trial for defacing his own public monument. Fortunately President Obama checked up on his constitutional law and issued an immediate pardon from due process since the ex president had not even yet been convicted. George was introduced to medical marijuana in jail awaiting his trial and said it reminded him of the help leaves he used to smoke on the plantation. Nothing pissed off George more than what the American legal system had become because out of the blue the DC prosecutor labeled him a vagrant, a drunk, a vandal and a possible sex offender because of the way his centuries old pants fit. Worst of all his court appointed attorney instructed him to just plead guilty to not waste the court's time by pleading no contest and going to jail in a federal prison for 25 years instead of possibly 300. When the Jury started laughing with the judge at how he was dressed in the courtroom Washington had had enough of modern due process. George Washington is now running for president with the motto that as the father of the country he still knows what is best for the country. Obama and the democrats are calling him the Old Old Man and someone not fit to run for president because he evolves form a different time. "This is not George Washington's America Anymore." The First Lady says George is old fashioned , out of touch , an anachronism, a racist , a slave owner and too conservative and un-American for America. Media Maters is saying that George Washington is going to need his birth certificate if he can find it. Hearing and reading all of this George just got furious and nothing he said can be repeated in public . His handlers had to put him on a plane bound for Hawaii to help calm him down with the tropical breezes and smell of orchids. George calmed down after returning to Washington Via Disneyland in Anaheim California. Now he is ready for the fight of his life against the dreaded anti American President Obama whom he says should just leave office and become a Canadian. George is also busy trying to meet women by placing personal ads on Craigslist. The question remains, says Time Magazine, will Americans still be willing to vote for their first president after all these years or will they vote to re-elect Barack Obama saying that Obama is the lesser of two evils? washington is unsure of his popularity and knows he is no where near as slick as the Kenyan as he calls him. George had a major falling out with TV and Radio Host Glenn Beck because he said Beck was mischaracterizing him. Then the two of them had this major argument over the weaponization of Google and Facebook in the Arab Spring and Jasmin Revolution. Oprah and George hit it off together charming each other in a way that has started to look like flirtation. Donald Trump fired him immediately. CNN says no one should ever vote for a dead man even if the dead in Chicago vote. When Washington Arrived at the NASA Time Distortion Laboratory he seemed to be expecting being brought to the future in advance of it happening . He was forewarned because Benjamin Franklin warned him about his trippy trip with Bill and Ted on their excellent adventure. Washington already had his bags packed ready to go but was happy to leave his wooden dentures and eye glasses behind because NASA had already brought him a pair of prescription sunglasses and a new set of modern dentures until his planned dental reconstruction surgery in 2011. George just loves the idea that Washington DC and a lot of other things were named after him . Most of all he wanted to drive an automobile and was provided with a Hummer because he is too tall to fit in any mid size or compact car.More than anything George says he wants Air Force One thing. He is already reading the flight manuals in the hope of being able to fly it himself once elected in 2012. George was told that he could not return to Mount Vernon because it is now a tourist attraction and his former self is buried on the grounds there. Washington refused to stay away and was given curator status so that he does now live at mount Vernon in the caretakers home during tourist hours and back in the main home after hours. The hardest thing for George so far was not being able to find his slaves on the plantation but he loves the John Deer Riding lawn mower and dismissed the worker so he could mow the estate grass exclusively. Up until now Mount Vernon has not had a media and communications center and rooms full of big flat screed HD televisions. George is getting ready for his political assault to win the whitehouse in 2012 . He thought of hiring Dick Morris and Karl Rove after watching Fox TV but decided instead on a national grass roots tea party effort with no political polling wonks and no ad agencies. Even Rhino republicans are coming to a quick conclusion that they had all better back George Washington. The democrats don't get it and although they know that Obama is a loser with his poll numbers souring in the face of a worse economy than he inherited from George W. Bush they hold on to their marxist hope and change failed president believing that Jimmy Carter can go back in time to the revolution and save us all. NASA is preparing to transport Jimmy Carter Back in time to a few years before the revolutionary war so that maybe we never become Americans in the first place and give it all back to the Indians. George was immediately upset by the income tax and the death tax and the regulations from hell. Then he read up on tort lawyers and the out of control civil court. First place he went when he got to Washington DC was to the Temple of the Free Masons to ask them what the hell went wrong. He refuses to run as a republican and instead is running on the Independence Constitution Party Platform. Gorge calls it the "I hate lawyers , I hate taxes. I hate bureaucrats party." The tea party loves George and George loves the tea party. Who are you going to Vote for in the next election The George Washington -Ron Paul Ticket or Barack Obama-Joe Biden? .