Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Spending the Holiday Season with Random Strangers. Letting Homeless People Have Your Home For Christmas.
Spending the Holiday Season with Random Strangers Inviting Homeless People to Spend the Holiday Season in Your Home Lex Loeb Contributor Network . When It comes to social experimentation few people actually take matters into their own hands, but you can. Reliance on government services is probably why there are still so many homeless people. If you are guilt stricken by the site of others suffering there is something you can do especially in the most grief stricken of holiday seasons, Christmas time. The City of San Francisco once passed an ordinance requiring home owners to provide living spaces for the homeless in spare rooms. Why wait for the government to force you to do what is right? Start this Christmas Season by getting to know homeless people now before the winter nights are upon us. The best way to get to know the homeless in advance is to go out and buy a cheap 24 can package of beer in recyclable cans and bring that with you as offerings to the local street natives. There was a time when you could have purchased the entire island of Manhattan for two cans of Milwaukee's Best instead of a few strands of glass beads. If you want to attract homeless people, nothing works better except for bottle of Cheap Vodka. Randomly pick out the homeless people you want to come live with you at Christmas time providing them with your name , address and phone number with the best time to call. It also helps to give them a few dollars so they might be able to find change to make the call. Chance are few of them will want to move in with you until after the nights turn cold. Since a lot of them will loose your name and address soon after you give it to them , you may want to distribute 3 to 4 times the number of invitations than you expect you have room for. Prepare you home for the Holiday visitors. Start by over decorating your home for Christmas. You are doing this as a favor for humanity and to appease your guilt so you want to create a memorable experience for your expected visitors. Take your car out of your garage to make room for extra visitors who might not mind sleeping in a garage. Find empty rooms if any , empty space in the basement or attic . Then go to good will and buy extra sheets , blankets, pillows and maybe some over sized winter coats. Don't forget to stock up on cheap beer. You may need the beer to help get your visitors to leave your home as one of the few incentives that is known to work as you might not want them to spend the day in your home alone while you are at work. Make space around your home for Shopping carts. Homeless people are unlikely to want to leave their shopping carts unattended for the holiday seasons and will bring them to your home for safe keeping. Your neighbors will get used to the shopping carts once they know the good that you are doing. Some of your neighbors will feel they have to go out of the way to do what you are doing because of you are an influential person in your neighborhood. It is already a status symbol in Kings Heights, in Portland to have your Mercedes coup parked next to a couple of well out fitted shopping carts in the driveway. For those interested in advanced social experimentation who have sufficient funding, Invite your homeless people to come shopping with you at Nordstrom's where you can buy them a whole new wardrobe which they can start wearing only after you take them with you to your favorite day spa for reconditioning. It is Christmas if you can afford to buy a random homeless Christmas visitor a $3000 wardrobe it could really be a more enlightening experience for you. Christmas time is the season of giving and you will be giving. The new wardrobe may allow you to let your visitors into your living room with out as much fear that they will leave stains and odors during their visit. I know one middle age single woman who bought a homeless man a ticket on an Alaska Cruise so that he could share the double occupancy birth with her after she liked the way he looked in a Nordstrom suit she had bought for him to take to Church. She found the guy at the will work for food freeway off ramp last Christmas and decided on Alaska instead of Europe because he had no passport. It was very generous of her considering the she had a porthole stateroom that cost $25,000 for a two week cruise. The homeless guy proved to be a rather talented pianist and got a job on the cruise line which was fortunate because she really did not want to spend more time with him once she started playing around with one of the Filipino ship workers, How to decorate the Christmas tree with homeless visitors. Ask your visitor to bring you recyclable aluminum cans and punch holes in them with a ice pick to make Christmas tree ornament out of. A Coke and Pepsi Tree or a Beer Can Christmas tree is a stunning novelty that will leave you with a lasting feeling of self satisfaction. For Christmas gifts for your visitors why not buy them gift cards which are small and portable. I love sending homeless people to Nordstrom's. Let your mother in law know in advance that a random homeless person will be sharing her room with her over the holiday season she might change her mind about coming to visit. If she starts to waiver let her know you might make the master bedroom available to her and the random homeless holiday visitor. Hire a top rated catering company to prepare all meals over the holidays and let the mother in law know what she will be missing. Give your holiday visitor jobs to do around the house. Have him stand out in front of the house in a red and green jockey suit holding a ring or let him stand out side your neighbor's house with a sign that says "We work for Food at the Smith Residence" or just ask him to fertilize the lawn since you lock him out of the house when the house is empty when you go to work. How and when to kick random visitors out of your home with no feelings of shame on your part. Let your visitor know in advance that come the new year he or she is out. If you need an excuse tell them they need to leave new years eve because you are selling the house. You don't want to make your homeless holiday visitor feel as if they no longer belong. Spend a night with them at a homeless shelter and soup kitchen to let them know you too are homeless. Maybe you will find a replacement New Years visitor to live with you till February at the homeless shelter. Another good way to shake em loose is to take them down to one of the City commissioners offices and introduce the commissioner as a compassionate person who loves helping people in need. Stash some beer in hiding places around city hall so they don't have much of an incentive to follow you back home. Make sure you bring their shopping carts because they are sure to return if it is still parked in your front yard. You are not alone. Kerouac used to bring homeless men to his famous friend's apartments and Richard Reed took the hinges off his apartment door to share his shelter with those more in need them himself. There may be no such thing as an original social experiment even if Prince Charles opened Buckingham Palace to London's homeless there is probably a precedent for that too. If he does call me . That would be a nice place to Crash in London. If you want to be more creative with holiday visitors invite inner city gang members to live with you. Let your neighbors know you are doing great things to solve society's problems. Have a gang bang party every Friday and Saturday evening. Invite police officer friends of yours to chaparone. Giving back to society starts at home especially on the holidays. .